Struggling with Beliefs Creates a Messy, Beautiful Life.

Let’s face it… your belief system and personal faith is the root of the reality you will experience. It plays a major rule in who you are and dictates your perception, decisons, and actions. When we don’t feel secure within our faith or beliefs, our life will reflect that and become messy. During this past year, (2021) I had a huge slap in the face and a complete shake up when it came to everything I thought I was. Everything I thought my life was. My world as I knew it, the one I created for myself… came crashing down. Crazy part is, it was from my own doing. It was my choice to tear down the life I made for myself over the past 3 (almost) years. Everything I worked so hard on, I was ready to just throw it all down the drain; I wanted to. When I did… I felt such a relief. A bit of grief… but mostly relief. I thought that what I had been doing and building my life around for the past three years was bad. That it was wrong and went against God. I don’t know exactly what it was that made me start to feel this way, but I can say… I know I needed that break away from everything I knew. I neeed a change.

See what happened was, I started to get heavily influenced by other people’s beliefs. The way they stood so strong in theirs, and weren’t afraid to speak out on it really rubbed off on me subconsciously. When someone believes in something so strongly, and speaks out on it… other people will begin to believe it too. Which is so beautiful, powerful, and influential.

I didn’t care how people percieved me anymore, I didn’t care about who liked me or agreed with me… all I cared about was being morally right. Doing what was morally right. I didn’t want to be doing the wrong thing and leading people astray. I wanted to please God. I suddenly stopped caring about status, and numbers… I just wanted to know and get in touch; align my life with what I truly believed.

Nevertheless, I had a great year. I broke out of my crummy lifestyle habits, stopped smoking weed (finally!), got into a beautiful, comfortable relationship with my baby’s father after a long 4 years of blockages and not taking eachother seriously, and became pregnant with a beautiful baby girl who will be here in about 7 weeks now. ♡ I don’t regret it. Some will think I’m crazy for saying that; my ego will tell me how much further along I would be by now if I never did that. That doesn’t matter though, my soul knows it was for a higher purpose. A higher purpose that we can’t always see or connect at the time.

So that leads me to where I am now…. Back to where I started (on the surface atleast) but in all actuality I’ve grown so much. I’ve grown so much more than I probably ever would have. This time I have a clean slate, I have peace, a calm mind, a sense of worth, and self validation. I don’t need to turn to anything outside of me to be fulfilled or to get anything I need. I have everything now even though it appears I lost it all. ♡ Sure, sometimes I’m not 100% when it comes to what I believe. I could be doing the wrong thing by going back to tarot and the “spiritual“ side of life again. I’m okay with being wrong though, I can only be me. I love God, I believe in Jesus, the bible, and I love the moon… Tarot, the universe, manifesting, conscious development, and being perfectly okay with just flowing with life. Life wasn’t meant to be taken so serious, and sometimes man corrupts what God intended to be a good thing. At the end of the day, nobody has the answers. Everything is perception and belief. Getting lost in your beliefs from time to time is beautiful, it creates room for growth and potential. It gives you the opportunity to explore different sides of yourself and life. Although it may cause drastic changes in your life, and things may appear messy…. Beauitful things come from a disaster. ♡ In the end, it will all work out again. Divine has a way of always leading us back to where we’re supposed to be. In time you’ll even see… the times you thought you were off track, or on the wrong path. You actually were just climbing uphill to your next destination. God has had his eye on you this whole time and there was always a plan even when you thought there was none. Get lost in your beliefs, and in your faith sometime… don’t beat yourself up for the struggle. Struggling with beliefs creates a beautiful, messy life ♡

Never regret a second of it.